Friday, February 28, 2014

The Small Moments....

          The last seven months have been full. They have been full of grief, laughter, fear, thoughtfulness, and oh....GRACE. I never thought in a million years that I would be at this point in my life and look around and wonder "Just what was it I was suppose to be doing?"  I never once thought that I wasn't going to do something that was off the hook blow your mind awesome! That however is not what has happened with this life.  Instead I am more practical than I ever thought I could be. I grocery shop with intentions of having a somewhat balanced meal for my kids. I, yes me, I make play dates with other mommies.   I am not hanging off a mountain somewhere or leaping off some tropical canopy in the rain forest. No I read bed time stories. I have girl friends and we talk over the in and outs of diaper rash.  For a while this was kind of hard for to swallow. I mean come on we are talking about me. I am the one who packed up and moved to South Korea for almost 2 years on a whelm. I am the one who met a man on the inter net...Never met him, but committed to marry him. This is ME that we are talking about. How could I possibly be happy and content with a regular life? Well.......
          Well life isn't so regular. Its actually quit spectacular. You see I have come to terms with one thing: I serve at the pleasure of the king. I serve at His beckon, His choosing, I serve at His desire. All those bedtime stories are moments in  a little life that I can pour into what will be. Every time my 2 year old climbs up in my lap to just sit and rest I am empowering him with security that he is safe, he can relax, and he arms are always open.  I am learning more and more all the time that every day the regular tasks of motherhood are actually opportunities to try and speak into their lives.

          In fact I am learning more all the time to take every moment captive means something different than what I had once thought. I used to think that it somehow meant that I was to look for the moments in life that were just extraordinary, but I am seeing now that it's about taking the opportunities and seeing where God would lead them. For instance, Many times when I am in my pump class I hear His voice. So I just go with it. Sometimes He points a person out to me. When that happens I will spend the set just praying for that person. sometimes He will tell me specific things and sometimes I just spend the time praise the Lord for that person and blessing them. Sometimes when we stretch at the end of class I just spend that time praising Him and thanking him.  I try to find moments like that all through the day.

          At one point I had found myself worried that I wasn't spending enough time in a "quiet time".  I grew up with a mother who spent hours at the crack of dawn on her knees in prayer and the word. For the first year that I had children I tried so very hard to fit into that  box. I found myself totally disappointing myself and feeling that I was disappointing God as well.  I struggled to see the huge cloud that the vision of my destiny was suppose to come out of.  I couldn't understand that why everyone else was "hearing" God but I wasn't.  Then one day I was taking a shower...Yes a shower and I was asking God why He wasn't showing me these great visions of what my destiny was...... That is when He spoke so clearly to me, "This is it...You are living it."  I was shocked I couldn't believe it. So I asked Him what He meant by that. Again He spoke clear as a bell to me..."Every moment that that you are pouring into the mamas that come to eat lunch with you, every friend whose side you run to when they need you, every time that you as show you face...That is you living your destiny.  You living your destiny as minister, you living your destiny as an intercessor , you living your destiny as the reminder of hope for new life that comes only from me." I cried so hard in that shower that day and now some of my best time with Daddy is in the shower.

          All this to say that your quiet time may not look like everyone else's and that is ok. We are told to seek first the kingdom. We aren't told that there is secret code or a special order to how it's suppose to look. The goal in it all is that we would seek His face. The point is that we would draw near to Him and that in doing so build relationship with Him. Right now the season that you are in may not allow you to spend hours seeking Him through scripture.  Right now it may be that you just need to sit at His feet as often as you can and guess what? That's ok. He loves you so much that He wants you and you alone.

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