When I was young I would be the first to try just about anything. In fact that got me in trouble a few times. I have always had an adventurous spirit and wanted to try the thing that would make my skin tingle and give me that since of no control...Yes I will admit that included recreational drugs and alcohol for a time of my life. While I was in Korea 1 years ago...A decade ago!!!!!!!! I really pushed it. I had been pushing it a while when I was in school, but in Korea I had nothing to lose. I was away from family, surrounded by others doing the same thing that I was, and every opportunity to do it. I know that many of the things that I did went completely against everything that I had been raised to believe. I definitely made some big mistakes in that part of of my life. What made me even think about this is music. I was listening to music from when I was in college and as always the stream of deep emotions and memories came back with every lyric. It made me start thinking about that girl. what exactly happened to her? I mean I know I met a man, fell in love,and three babies later here we are, but what happened to that girl who was up for anything. I can remember a time when the guys could call me at 11:30 and as say that they were going out and had 15 minutes to get ready so that we cold hit the bar before 12:00 get the specials...
I know that my priorities are different now. I mean I have a family, but never do I ever just think I'll drop everything and go to ....whatever. Instead of bars now it would be coffee with the mommies on Thursdays, lunch with my friends at McDonald's, or simply reaching out to that doctors wife in line at the super Walmart that I really want to get to know but am too intimidated to do. How crazy that the girl that used try anything is now so easily intimidated. How does that intimidation effect the life path that I have chosen now? If I am honest with myself the answer is Hugely!!! I have allowed moments to pas without ever taking them captive. Things that I KNOW I should have said to people, but became so afraid about what that person might think about me, opportunities completely missed and actually avoided!
I share all of this because the last month I have had dire conviction about this and about the life that I have chosen. I have allowed myself to be happy sitting on the side lines of my life. Some how I went to sit down and forgot to get up and go back into the game. Because of that my passion and conviction have been compromised and I am constantly aware that I am not being all that I can. I don't want my children to think like I do. I want them all to know that they are only limited by themselves and that there is no limit to what they can do, where they can go, or who they can touch. That is why I CHOOSE to CHANGE!!
I am taking back the ground that I have for too long allowed the enemy and others take from me. I can not control what others do but I can control what I chose to do. that means losing weight, getting in shape, and yes to prove to myself that I have truly made a change, I am working towards a Tough Mudder.
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