Working Through Trust

There have been times over the years that I have said, "I will trust God in this matter." I really thought that I was being sincere about it. I thought that I had a handle on it. The truth is that I had no idea. I am learning that to say one thing and then put it into practice are two very different things. 

One of my favorite verses has always been John 13:15 "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face."  I always thought that I had a handle on it. I thought that I would be one of the first to stand and praise regardless. The truth is this though. I am a wreck a mess a complete and utter shamble of what I thought. How do I know this? Because He is teaching me what it means to really trust.

Websters say this of trust: 

-NOUN

1. RELIANCE ON THE INTEGRITY, STRENGTH,ABILITY, SURETY,ETC., OF A PERSON OR THING; confidence.

2. CONFIDENT expectation of something ; hope

3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit; to sell merchandise on trust.

That is trust as a noun. I had never really thought of the word as a either a noun or verb. 

-verb ( with out an object)

1. TO RELY UPON OR PLACE CONFIDENCE IN SOMEONE OR SOMETHING(USUALLY FOLLOWED BY IN OR TO): to trust in another's honesty; trusting to luck

2. to have confidence, hope: Things work out if only one trusts.

-verb ( with an object)

1. TO HAVE TRUST OR CONFIDENCE IN; RELY OR DEPEND

2. TO BELIEVE

3. TO EXPECT CONFIDENTLY; HOPE

When put this way I have found that I am very far off the mark. I too often say I trust you Lord, but do I CONFIDENTLY EXPECT? Have I simply learned enough of the religious gargin that I just spew it out just so everyone knows that I am on the same page with them? I have to answer YES. 

For me I am learning trust. I am learning that I can expect and that I am not some step child that the Lord took in because he felt so sorry for me. He wanted me. He desperately fought and claimed me. Because of that I can trust. Because of that I can confidently  expect. 

Proverbs 13:12 tells us that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." 

I must chose. Will I worry about what I can not change or will I gain confidence in knowing that it is beyond me and frankly, it's not my problem. I'm going to try to go with the not my problem...I am going to focus on what I can do and should do, which is to take everything with prayer and supplication before God. I am going to pray that He will place His desires in my heart and that I will be able to let go of the things that I once felt important. I am going to TRUST!